So, for those who don’t know (I honestly can’t remember if I’ve talked about this or not) I’m a pretty tall lady.  5’11.5″, and yes, I do legitimately believe and say that “and a half” because the last time I was at the doctor’s office where they measure things like that, the nurse/physician’s assistant/medical personal told me that I was five-eleven and a half.  So what I’m saying is that I know how to quickly judge a doorway before I just barge through, I put things on the top shelf with complete ease, and I am all around familiar with the struggles, trials, and tribulations of being a tall[er] woman.  There are also some awesome things, but I’m talking about the cons in this post, so work with me.  This, in my opinion, are the 14 most aggravating things about being a lady long legs.

1. Airplane seats.  I love to travel.  I suspect once I have a job and steady income and am traveling more than just for family vacations or trips to see my sister out of state I’ll fly more and generally see more of the world.  The most annoying things about flying?  The tiny ass seats with their minimum amount of leg room!  God help the traveler who sits in front of me on a plane, because I will not let you put your seat back.  I realize that you want to take a nap.  But seriously, you can’t.  Like, I literally cannot allow you to.  I’m honestly surprised you couldn’t feel my knees in your spine before, but you definitely will I you lower your seat onto them via reclining.
2. Shoes.  Being tall equals bigger feet.  Straight to the point.  I wear a size 12 wide.  Do you know who makes a size 12 wide consistently, so that I could potentially have a designer that always creates cute shoes in my size?  NO ONE.  If you do, let me know because that would be manna from heaven.  Seriously, shoe shopping is one of the biggest pains in my ass.  Equally as difficult?  Dealing with people’s opinions over your shoes because of your height.  “Oh, you’re going to wear HEELS?  Don’t you think you’re tall enough?”  I could touch the moon with my fingertips and I would still occasionally want a nice pair of heels to look sexy, dammit.
3. Insecure men.  Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.  Seriously.  No, I am not at least 6’4″ because you want to believe you are six feet tall when you are obviously no taller than 5’8″ if I am being generous and no, I do not want to start a conversation about my height because I have tall lady things to do that do not include you because honestly I just want to buy my ice cream and Goldfish crackers and leave because I did not come to Target to talk about this.
4. Sundresses.  Obviously, not all the time.  Musiqe23 is kinda chesty, okay?  And, like the majority of human beings, I experience temperature differences and at times wear articles of clothing that allow for higher ventilation.  I AM SORRY THAT MY DOUBLE DS WERE IN A TANKTOP OR SUNDRESS AND WERE THEREFORE BASICALLY IN YOUR FACE IF YOU ARE 5’5″ OR BELOW, OKAY!?
5. Low seats.  Oh joy, you expect me to sit on the floor or a pillow or one of those little kindergarten chairs or a sinking couch with limited support.  What you THINK I’m going to do is fold gracefully onto the seat and instantly maneuver into a sitting lotus position to manage my long legs.  What I’m ACTUALLY going to do is plop down like a spastic tomato, stretch my legs out (possibly inadvertently kicking either the person across from me or the table or both), and wait until everyone leaves before even attempting to get up, looking like spider with an inner ear problem.
6. Literally, bumping my head on the ceiling.  I have done this.  I have cursed in front of children due to doing this.  I have had knots on my skull because a ceiling slopped and I was unable to tell that my surroundings would suddenly go from me being able to walk upright like a homo sapiens to hunched down like some sort of troglodyte.  Fuck you, unexplainably low ceilings.  Also on my shit list: unexpected low door frames.  I was in the clear, walking around with my spine straight and everything and then WHAM!  Never cool, always shocking in the worst way.
7. Clothing.  I am tall.  I have longer body parts.  My torso, legs, and arms are not your average length.  Most clothing stores leave me with unintentional crop tops, an inch+ of wrist showing, or pants that look like I am prepared for a flood.  It is annoying.  What is equally annoying is that buying tall/extra-long clothing almost always means that it is considered a specialty clothing item and the price therefore reflects a special, because-fuck-you-we-can upcharge.  Longer legs do not equal bigger paycheck, trust me.
8. Too-short things that you lay down on.  Do you take relaxing bubble baths?  Lie down on couches regularly and put your feet up?  Recline in Lazy-Boys and expect not to have your ankles hang over the edge?  I DON’T.  To quote my fabulously fellow tall cousin, “My dream is to one day have bathtub in which both my boobs and my legs will fit under the water.”  Don’t we all…
9. Asshole short people.  You might be thinking, “Didn’t she cover this in number 3?”  Oh no, assholes come in both sexes and this covers them both.  I am tall.  I can literally rest my head atop of yours, and it is only due to my lofty graciousness that I don’t use you as a human arm rest.  Let me have the front seat.  Obviously, it would be better if I could sit in the aisle so that I don’t develop a cramp from having my knees touch my elbows for the whole damn concert.  There is an unspoken pact that my kind have with yours: Show us some common damn decency and we won’t put the snack food up on top of the refrigerator.
10. Regular towels.  Long torso + average length towel=I guess my behind just doesn’t need to be covered.  Seriously, buy bath sheets.  They are longer and wider and altogether better.
11. People with higher expectations for me because of my height who I feel like I disappoint because I am neither a model not athletically inclined.  No, I don’t play basketball.  No, I do not play volleyball.  Nope, that wasn’t me at the track meet because I’m not fond of walking, let alone running.  Why yes, I am the model from Chicago, thank you so much for calling me a model, excuse me while I walk away statuesquely and avoid you after the fashion show when you try to ask me follow up questions because you don’t think you saw me on the runway.
12. Bathroom stalls.  I am so sorry, I am not trying to be a peeping Tomina, it’s just that I am in heels and I didn’t realize that I could see over your stall and I will let you pee in peace now, again, my bad.
13. Having people think you’re a guy.  More when I was younger (and boob-less) than now, but every now and then someone approaches me and thinks I’m trans, which doesn’t really bother me but if you think that I’m a trans-woman then calling me sir would still be disrespectful, no?
14. Meeting other, taller people and having to be the beta tall person.  Look, my friends are short.  Our friendship is not based on our height discrepancies, but it is what it is and I have gotten used to being the go-to tall person.  Don’t suddenly introduce a new lady who is like 6’3″ to the group!  How am I supposed to take that?  Is she gonna be the one who reaches for stuff on the top shelf now?  Who does this tall heifer think she is?  Look, there can only be one, and I’m already in the group chat.

Yes, there are some great things about being tall (the good does outweigh the bad), but I was in a complaining mood, so there you go.